A hot Christmas mess

Every year, Chris and I have a disagreement about when to get the Christmas tree.

By disagreement, I mean that I start nagging him to get one about a week prior to Thanksgiving and he says no.  Then, I nag him some more and he eventually gives in and we get one the week after Thanksgiving.  If Chris was in charge of the tree, we would probably get it Christmas eve- which is a total waste of a tree if you ask me.

This year, like all others before it.  We got our Christmas tree the week after Thanksgiving.

Ever since we moved to Queen Anne, we have been buying our tree from the local lot that benefits the boy scouts and the food lifeline.  Gotta love giving back while shopping.

This year, I was on a quest to find solar powered Christmas lights (more on that later), which led us to the good old HD, also known as the Depot of Home for you fancy folks.

Anyway, we were wandering around looking for illusive solar paneled lights when we saw a sign for Noble firs (our Christmas tree of choice) for $49.99.

We took it as a sign, both figurative and literally.  $50 for a 8ft Noble was a steal, and we were already there, so it was Christmas kismet. 

We felt a bit bad for not supporting the boy scouts and the food life line, but vowed to pay the boy scouts to come pick up our tree after we had sufficiently under-watered it and dried it out.

So we took off in the HD sea of trees searching for this year's tree perfection.

I found it. (I'm a fantastic Christmas tree spotter fyi)  It was in the 7-8' category and when Chris finally got it all stood up and shook out, he deemed it "too tall" for our ceilings.  I was crushed.  I loved that tree and it was so beautiful, but I reluctantly agreed that a too-tall tree would be detrimental to my decoration and our ceilings, so we headed to the lowly 5-6' area.

Although we got demoted to the small & stumpy section, we saw a new sign that let us know that we would save an extra $10 in this section, which made me quite pleased.

We found another seemingly perfect tree, that stood had just the right amount of footage for  decorating and ceiling clearance, so we snapped it up and drug it to the check out.  Literally, we drug it.  It was heavy and the aisles were too narrow to carry it so, Chris drug it and I watched since Chris had only packed "Christmas tree hauling gloves" for him.

While Chris as doing the manly stuff- like tying the tree to the car, I was busying myself with naming our new addition. I decided on Harry. 

Our tree is clearly a boy, and he was very bushy, so Harry seemed like the right call.

We got Harry inside and set him the stand, and stood back to admire our good decision making.

Harry seemed a bit lopsided.

But like any new parents, we couldn't see any flaws in our new addition.  We loved him for who he was, bald spots and lopsidedness included.

That is, until we woke up this morning and found him on the floor.  We were so dumbfounded that we didn't even have a moment to stop a take a photo for posterity.  We were too busy trying to soak up all the water from the tree stand, that was now trying to penetrate our hardwood floors.

Harry had fallen over in the middle of the night and taken the stand with him.

We stood him back up and got him re-secured in the stand, and began our inspection process and asking lots of questions.

Why had Harry fallen?  Did we not secure him in the stand very well?

If a tree falls in your living room int he middle of the night does it make a sound?

We determined that it was a fatal case of Christmas Tree Scoliosis.

Harry has sever curvature of the spine trunk.

He had not being standing for 20 minutes when he took a header and crashed down on top of me for the 2nd time.

This is when, like any good parent, decided I could fix him.

I devised a tethering system, where I tied his trunk to the door handle (the only thing close to the tree) so it would help keep him up.
Not so genius solution
This is when I realized that I was stupid.

Harry tried to fall again, and my genius door-handle-solution proved exceptionally inefficient, when the weight of the tree, pulled the door closed.  Harry ended up half on the floor half in my arms, and the poor door was feeling the pain.

So, I gave up on poor Harry.

I got him detached from his door-tether, stood him back up, tilted him into the corner and left him.  He was in time out. He was a bad tree.

The leaning tower of Tree-za
I got to work and promptly emailed Chris:

We need to return the Christmas tree tonight.  It fell again (on me).  I will call to make sure its ok.

He didn't even question me.  Apparently, returning a Christmas tree is completely normal.

Have you ever returned a Christmas Tree??

No.  Because, it's NOT normal.  People don't do that.

How did I know that?  Well, the nice man in the home and garden department at HD informed me that "no one had ever returned a tree before, but he was sure it would be ok."

At this point, I am pretty glad that we didn't buy from the Boy scouts, because I would feel a whole lot worse trying to return a defective tree to a sad faced 11 year old, than to the teenager who makes minimum wage at HD.

Then again, had we bought from the boy scouts, none of this probably ever would have happened.  I'm sure the Boy Scouts would never have sold a crooked tree in the first place. We probably would have a lovely tree, with no fatal conditions, that stands perfectly straight all season long.  Now that I think about it, this is what I deserve.  I should never have skipped out on the Boy scouts.

At this point, I would settle for the less than perfect tree.  I would settle for any tree that doesn't dive bomb me.

Chris even threatened to get a fake tree, while simultaneously cursing Harry.

So, this holiday season, I've learned two things.

Home depot has one heck of a return policy, and never, under any circumstances, skip out on the Boy scouts- they'll get you.