Just one of those days
If you have any small children of the human (or canine) variety, you will relate to this.
If you don't, then after you read this, you are going to really appreciate your carefree & child-free life.
If you are in the middle of your morning coffee and a pastry, may I suggest you come back later? Today's saga is not food friendly. Just warning you.
Ok.
Some days life give you signs that you should abandoned ship and get the heck back to bed and hide out there.
Yesterday morning was one of those mornings. I had a shitty day (literally and figuratively).
Hunter woke up at 5:15 (about an hour and a half early) for no reason.
So of course, I was up and Ketchum was at my heels begging for food (Chris was very much asleep). I triaged the situation, and rocked Hunter back to sleep first and then went downstairs and fed the pup.
On my way back to bed, I grabbed Hunter's bottle, just so I wouldn't have to do the loooooooong trek downstairs again when Hunter woke up (at 5am those 14 stairs seem like climbing up and down a mountain).
And yes, Hunter still drinks a bottle in the morning. Stop judging me. It's not like he is taking a bottle to high school or anything.
Ok, so I got back in bed, and it was still warm.
5 minutes later, guess who was up again?
I rocked him back to sleep for the second time, all the while he was saying "Ow-ow" in his I-just-woke-up voice. I whispered to him that we couldn't go outside since it was still "night-night."
Well, apparently my whispered explanations didn't lull him back to sleep because he was back up and ready to party well before 6am.
As a last ditch effort to gain just 20 more minutes of sleep, I brought him in our bed, gave him his bottle and said a silent prayer that he would drift back off to sleep.
No such luck.
Chris was up and out of bed 15 minutes later (to head to a breakfast meeting) and all Hunter wanted to do was find out where dad-dad had went.
I was desperate and even tried to get him to watch TV. Apparently 6am isn't a hot bed of cartoons. Disappointed that Curious George wasn't on, he decided it was time to use mom as a jungle gym.
That's when I decided my day was going to be awesome.
I ended up getting out of bed and heading to the shower. Hunter loves coming in the shower with us and he plays nicely with his letters, so I figured it was a good move to just get our day started early.
All went well until I got out of the shower and grabbed for my towel. I heard him say uh-oh repeatedly, and turned around to find he had pooped all over the shower floor.
Perfect.
I swooped him up out of the shower while he was rubbing his potentially poop-smeared hands all over my back. I dropped him on the bath mat and I went to work cleaning the poop out of the shower, so I could get him back in and clean him off.
Again, I hear uh-oh's coming from my little buddy.
Apparently, he had stepped in poop while in the shower. Now he was making poop footprints all over the bath mat.
OMG.
I told him not to move- which kind of worked (at least the poop-prints were contained to only the bath mat), and I furiously scrubbed the shower floor to ensure there were no poop remnants.
At this point, my towel had fallen off in the fury of my two handed baby wrangling and poop cleaning. Trust me, when you have a toddler covered in poop and a shower filled with poop, ensuring that you cover up your nakedness is VERY low on your priority list.
I got him back in the shower, which was not his idea of a good time.
By this time, he was screaming bloody murder, because apparently the feeling of poop between his toes was too nice to let go of. So, I was struggling to clean up my poopy little man while he was wriggling like a hooked fish.
I finally got him clean and out of the shower and placed him on a second (poop free) bath mat.
As I was attempting to fold up the poop-printed bath mat and get my towel wrapped around me. I heard uh-oh for the third time in 10 minutes.
I started laughing, only imagining what I was going to find.
Yep, you guessed it.
He had started peeing all over the bathroom floor.
What started as an uh-oh, soon turned into a hilarious game of chase-me-while-I-pee.
I used his towel to soak up the pee and then used my towel to wipe him down. So, for the second time in 2 minutes, I was naked and holding a screaming and squirming toddler.
I barely got a diaper on him before he flipped over and not so quietly explained to me in screaming terms that he DID NOT want to wear clothes.
Our little boy is a naked wonder.
He does seem to understand that diapers are a necessary evil (what with his penchant for peeing and pooping at random), but he also has decided that he does not need to wear clothes.
Once I had a diaper on him, I "locked" him in his room and set about cleaning the bathroom floor- naked of course because I had left my towel in Hunter's room.
Once I was finally done and dressed, Hunter was happy as a clam. He was running around and laughing in his near nakedness.
We headed downstairs to have breakfast and wait for nanny Stephani to arrive (Mom needed a break and a drink).
He, was too excited about the freedom of no clothes to possibly eat.
So we did some excavating.
When I finally got in the car and headed to work, all I could smell was poop.
I am still convinced that I walked around all day with poop-perfume on me. Honestly, I can't be sure that I didn't actually have some in my hair or on my skin, although there is a good chance it was all in my mind.
Either way, I was pretty pleased to get in my car and drive away.
After I had a few hours of perspective- the morning got a lot funnier in hindsight.
I walked in the door and found a fully clothed Hunter who just wanted to give me hugs and this amazing photo that Stephani had taken from the morning.
And just like that.
I melt.
The 5am wake up call, poop, pee and naked screaming all faded away.
I can't help but adore that little naked wonder- even after all the shit of yesterday.
But, for the record, Chris is on morning duty tomorrow.
If you don't, then after you read this, you are going to really appreciate your carefree & child-free life.
If you are in the middle of your morning coffee and a pastry, may I suggest you come back later? Today's saga is not food friendly. Just warning you.
Ok.
Some days life give you signs that you should abandoned ship and get the heck back to bed and hide out there.
Yesterday morning was one of those mornings. I had a shitty day (literally and figuratively).
Hunter woke up at 5:15 (about an hour and a half early) for no reason.
So of course, I was up and Ketchum was at my heels begging for food (Chris was very much asleep). I triaged the situation, and rocked Hunter back to sleep first and then went downstairs and fed the pup.
On my way back to bed, I grabbed Hunter's bottle, just so I wouldn't have to do the loooooooong trek downstairs again when Hunter woke up (at 5am those 14 stairs seem like climbing up and down a mountain).
And yes, Hunter still drinks a bottle in the morning. Stop judging me. It's not like he is taking a bottle to high school or anything.
Ok, so I got back in bed, and it was still warm.
5 minutes later, guess who was up again?
I rocked him back to sleep for the second time, all the while he was saying "Ow-ow" in his I-just-woke-up voice. I whispered to him that we couldn't go outside since it was still "night-night."
Well, apparently my whispered explanations didn't lull him back to sleep because he was back up and ready to party well before 6am.
As a last ditch effort to gain just 20 more minutes of sleep, I brought him in our bed, gave him his bottle and said a silent prayer that he would drift back off to sleep.
No such luck.
Chris was up and out of bed 15 minutes later (to head to a breakfast meeting) and all Hunter wanted to do was find out where dad-dad had went.
I was desperate and even tried to get him to watch TV. Apparently 6am isn't a hot bed of cartoons. Disappointed that Curious George wasn't on, he decided it was time to use mom as a jungle gym.
That's when I decided my day was going to be awesome.
I ended up getting out of bed and heading to the shower. Hunter loves coming in the shower with us and he plays nicely with his letters, so I figured it was a good move to just get our day started early.
All went well until I got out of the shower and grabbed for my towel. I heard him say uh-oh repeatedly, and turned around to find he had pooped all over the shower floor.
Perfect.
I swooped him up out of the shower while he was rubbing his potentially poop-smeared hands all over my back. I dropped him on the bath mat and I went to work cleaning the poop out of the shower, so I could get him back in and clean him off.
Again, I hear uh-oh's coming from my little buddy.
Apparently, he had stepped in poop while in the shower. Now he was making poop footprints all over the bath mat.
OMG.
I told him not to move- which kind of worked (at least the poop-prints were contained to only the bath mat), and I furiously scrubbed the shower floor to ensure there were no poop remnants.
At this point, my towel had fallen off in the fury of my two handed baby wrangling and poop cleaning. Trust me, when you have a toddler covered in poop and a shower filled with poop, ensuring that you cover up your nakedness is VERY low on your priority list.
I got him back in the shower, which was not his idea of a good time.
By this time, he was screaming bloody murder, because apparently the feeling of poop between his toes was too nice to let go of. So, I was struggling to clean up my poopy little man while he was wriggling like a hooked fish.
I finally got him clean and out of the shower and placed him on a second (poop free) bath mat.
As I was attempting to fold up the poop-printed bath mat and get my towel wrapped around me. I heard uh-oh for the third time in 10 minutes.
I started laughing, only imagining what I was going to find.
Yep, you guessed it.
He had started peeing all over the bathroom floor.
What started as an uh-oh, soon turned into a hilarious game of chase-me-while-I-pee.
I used his towel to soak up the pee and then used my towel to wipe him down. So, for the second time in 2 minutes, I was naked and holding a screaming and squirming toddler.
I barely got a diaper on him before he flipped over and not so quietly explained to me in screaming terms that he DID NOT want to wear clothes.
Our little boy is a naked wonder.
He does seem to understand that diapers are a necessary evil (what with his penchant for peeing and pooping at random), but he also has decided that he does not need to wear clothes.
Once I had a diaper on him, I "locked" him in his room and set about cleaning the bathroom floor- naked of course because I had left my towel in Hunter's room.
Once I was finally done and dressed, Hunter was happy as a clam. He was running around and laughing in his near nakedness.
We headed downstairs to have breakfast and wait for nanny Stephani to arrive (Mom needed a break and a drink).
He, was too excited about the freedom of no clothes to possibly eat.
So we did some excavating.
When I finally got in the car and headed to work, all I could smell was poop.I am still convinced that I walked around all day with poop-perfume on me. Honestly, I can't be sure that I didn't actually have some in my hair or on my skin, although there is a good chance it was all in my mind.
Either way, I was pretty pleased to get in my car and drive away.
After I had a few hours of perspective- the morning got a lot funnier in hindsight.
I walked in the door and found a fully clothed Hunter who just wanted to give me hugs and this amazing photo that Stephani had taken from the morning.
And just like that.
I melt.
The 5am wake up call, poop, pee and naked screaming all faded away.
I can't help but adore that little naked wonder- even after all the shit of yesterday.
But, for the record, Chris is on morning duty tomorrow.
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