Exotic new throne

A few months ago, we had some toilet issues.

Not those kind of issues.

We had three broken toilets.

That is 3 of 3 toilets not functioning properly.

Which makes for some difficulties around our house.

On top of three broken toilets, Chris was out of town for school for 4 days.  Usually this sort of task would fall squarely into "man territory" but I didn't have the luxury to wait until he got back.

Luckily, the upstairs toilet was an easy fix- the inside stuff got unhooked from the handle, which stopped it from flushing. Yes, that is the technical term for what was wrong.

I rehooked it and BOOM we had one working toilet. 

This was good news for all involved.

Since I was all pumped up from my I-am-woman-hear-me-roar-toilet-fixing-success, I decided to tackle toilet #2- the basement one.

This one was not flushing, but rather just filling up with water.  The perplexing part was that there didn't seem to be anything clogging it.

After some failed plunging and exasperated sighing in the toilet's general direction I got an idea.  I ran to the shed and grabbed this metal-pipe-snake-thing that my dad had lent Chris to fix the pipe from the garbage disposal (which we had forgot to return), and did some sort of pushing and twirling and cranking....and all of a sudden the tank started emptying.

BOOM, second toilet fixed!

This one was a little less celebratory because, although I had fixed the problem, the metal-snake-thing was now stuck in the toilet.


I believe there were some choice words hurdled at the toilet, the metal-snake-thing and myself.

After some pacing and stomping around, I decided to put my back into it.  I yanked hard and it came flying out.  And, I had scraped the bottom of the bowl.

That may be the reason why you don't stick a metal pipe into a ceramic bowl.  Whoops again.

So now, I had 2 working toilets and a new problem of figuring out how to get scratches off the inside of a toilet bowl.  But, first things first, I had one more toilet to conquer.

The last broken toilet, the one on the main floor, was not actually broken.  It was constantly running- so we had to turn the water off, rendering it useless unless we turn the water back on.

I ended up replacing the flapper of the toilet and for about 3 minutes it didn't run and I ran round the house doing my crazy dance (luckily Ketchum was my only audience).

Then it started running again.

Womp womp.

So it looks like I was not batting 1000 (I'm not sure what I was batting, since baseball metaphors confuse me....much like time zones and figuring out which way is north on my own).

I called Chris and explained that I was not Wonder Woman (much to his surprise) and he told me that 2 out of 3 wasn't bad and that he would do his "man stuff" when he got back.

Apparenly trying to fix a 50 year old toilet is not as easy as one would think (especially when using modern day parts). It's like trying to put together a puzzle with pieces from two different sets.

It just doesn't work.

So after 4 excrutiating hours of trying to make it work, he stormed out of the bathroom and declared we were going to buy a new toilet that afternoon.

We were on our way to my in-laws so we swung by Home Depot just to look around. Honestly, I wasn't convince we would find anything we liked.

I think Hunter had the best time, riding around on the flat bed cart- it was like surfing.

Of course we didn't get a photo of him doing it.

Anyway, we found actually a few good options, and I kind of fell in love.

Yes, right there in the toilet aisle.

It was old-timey and just the style I was looking for, but what was even better- it was dual flush.

Be still my heart.

I can't really explain how much I've wanted a dual flush toilet in my life.

Lets be honest, I'm from Seattle.

Dual flush toilets are so Seattle, they are right up there with obsessive recycling/composting (guilty) and socks with sandals (not guilty).  I may as well be in my own PEMCO ad.

The deal was done.  Chris hauled the toilet onto Hunter's cart and we took our new eco-friendly toilet home with us.

That weekend Chris installed the new toilet and uninstalled the old one.

I shed a small, very quiet tear for our oldey-but-goodey toilet that was getting the boot.  I feel like it had a good run.  It was more like putting it out to pasture rather than throwing it away.  I actually donated it to the ReStore and I'd like to think it found a new home somewhere, but that is probably a fantasy.

Chris' favorite part of any project is always the demo.

Pulling this tank off the huge bolts that had mounted it to the wall was extremely satisfying.
Thanks for using my "show" towels to soak up toilet water, honey.
He left the next "fun" part up to me.  I was in charge of removing all the water from the tank and scraping the wax ring off the floor.

How did I get assigned that job?  And why did I agree?

I was on a new-toilet-dual-flush high, I would have done anything to get it installed.

Once the old one was off, the new one went on without a hitch.  I slapped a coat of paint on the exposed wall and filled the holes from the bolts.
And BOOM, our third, and final, toilet was working.

I'm not going to lie, I love this toilet, at least as much as anyone can love a toilet.

I suggest you go out and get yourself one.